(I'll be the first to admit this was not how I was feeling on Sunday (when I started this post!) as anyone who spoke to me at church can attest. But for the majority of the past 14 days this has been true.)
I was disappointed when we determined it would be best for the boys to induce at 34 weeks. I knew that they would need NICU time instead of coming home with me. I don't think its possible to understand the heartache of birthing a child and then not being with them in the hours,days just after their birth. My heart and body ache for them to be with me. That's what a mommy does- she takes care of her children. It goes against every biological urge to leave them and not be the one protecting and providing for her babies.
But...Jonathan and I found over the last 14 days that this NICU time has indeed been a blessing to our family. Has it been hard? Absolutely. But every day I get to go up to the NICU and focus solely on my babies. I get to feed them, nurse them, snuggle with them and rock them for up to 5 hours a day. What mom of 4 can spend that time just loving on her newest baby? In the NICU, I'm allowed to be completely focused on loving the babies and when I'm at home with the girls, I can be completely there also.
We've had time to spend some last quality time just the 4 of us- especially since I feel so much better now. I'm not just observing my family as I have the last few months but I'm able to participate in life with them again. And I'm enjoying these precious last days with just my girls. Life has already changed and will change dramatically again when these boys come home. What a gift to have a few extra days to play Super Stretchy ABC with K & S, to take them to CFA, to go feed the ducks (or not b/c it was FREEZING yesterday) and do activities that we will still do after the babies come home but it will be harder or it may be with only one of their parents instead of both of us.
Even though I had wanted to skip this whole NICU thing, even through that God has been pouring out mercy, grace and blessing on our family.
I was disappointed when we determined it would be best for the boys to induce at 34 weeks. I knew that they would need NICU time instead of coming home with me. I don't think its possible to understand the heartache of birthing a child and then not being with them in the hours,days just after their birth. My heart and body ache for them to be with me. That's what a mommy does- she takes care of her children. It goes against every biological urge to leave them and not be the one protecting and providing for her babies.
But...Jonathan and I found over the last 14 days that this NICU time has indeed been a blessing to our family. Has it been hard? Absolutely. But every day I get to go up to the NICU and focus solely on my babies. I get to feed them, nurse them, snuggle with them and rock them for up to 5 hours a day. What mom of 4 can spend that time just loving on her newest baby? In the NICU, I'm allowed to be completely focused on loving the babies and when I'm at home with the girls, I can be completely there also.
We've had time to spend some last quality time just the 4 of us- especially since I feel so much better now. I'm not just observing my family as I have the last few months but I'm able to participate in life with them again. And I'm enjoying these precious last days with just my girls. Life has already changed and will change dramatically again when these boys come home. What a gift to have a few extra days to play Super Stretchy ABC with K & S, to take them to CFA, to go feed the ducks (or not b/c it was FREEZING yesterday) and do activities that we will still do after the babies come home but it will be harder or it may be with only one of their parents instead of both of us.
Even though I had wanted to skip this whole NICU thing, even through that God has been pouring out mercy, grace and blessing on our family.
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The boys snuggling with their favorite nurse Tyner!
The boys are making great progress! Their weights are going up- Owen finally hit 5lbs! Their bilirubin has just started going down and they are eating all by bottle. Owen has had his feeding tube out for more than 24 hours. We are getting close to having them home with us and we can't wait. Although if we show up and they are gone, we know Tyner took them.
6 comments:
It's so nice to see them both tube-less. I bet those nurses are going to miss them all - and you! Are Kiran and Sienna so excited to meet them?
wow. I love reading these posts. Amazing. You are going to look back on this time in years to come with wonder as you remember the grace of God through each of these moments.
Praise the Lord for His silver lining in the dark clouds that cover our lives from time to time. You have had time to recover, your boys have had time to grow bigger and healthier, and your family has had time to prepare (and the boys will already be on somewhat of a schedule when they come home). We are praying for your family to all be home together soon!
so glad to read an update from you. i hope you are doing well. i'm so glad God has it all in HIS hands. praying for ya'll.
so glad that GOd is helping you see His hand in all this and that you are finding joy in the midst of it all. loving following your journey on the blog - but it does make me miss you guys all the more! Hugs to all 4 of yours from us here in the Philippines!
I should've stolen them when I had the chance!! ;)
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