Yesterday I started going through my notebooks from all my education classes at Furman. I could have saved a lot of trees if I had known how to print front and back in college. But I'm saving all that clean backed paper now for printing and coloring purposes. And I've found a few things in my Art Ed notebook that will be useful for upcoming art projects with Kiran. I'm recycling anything I can and throwing away the rest.
But I'm actually in a grieving process of sorts. I didn't realize how hard it would be to get rid of these notebooks. I guess they are my last link to my education degree and teaching career. I worked for 4 years to earn that degree and then taught my heart out for 2 years. I haven't taught in 2.5 years and I haven't missed it. I wanted to be passionate about teaching...but I wasn't. I was passionate about my students and they were the reason I got up in the morning and went to bed early at night (school starts early). They helped me survive and thrive (and Miss Lucas at Happy Valley- oh the Lord knew what He was doing when He brought both of us there for that particular year).
I don't see myself ever teaching full time again. The only teaching role I see myself taking is one to my children. I use my education degree every day with Kiran already, and I know it will only be used more as she gets older and as I have more children. I am thankful for that knowledge I have due to my college education.
I think I will have a career outside the home again someday. I don't at this point in my life have an idea of what it will look like. I know that being a stay at home mom is my passion. It fits in a way that teaching never did. I love what I do. I feel productive, fulfilled, purposeful. I am not saying that I am always productive, always satisfied, always purposeful. But most days, I go to bed very peaceful and content about the place I am in and the goals driving me forward.
But I grieve the ending of a season. Change is always bittersweet isn't it?
8 comments:
isn't it funny how God works? i was a business major with a goal of grad school and working for a nonprofit organization. i always knew i wanted to be a mom and thought that i would most likely stay home until they went to school. but i have no desire at all to do those things anymore. i love being a stay at home mom. this woman that loved to be busy and had to be going all the time is content to sit on the floor and play weebles all day. i too think that someday i might go back to work (maybe) but if not then i'm content with my role as a housewife and stay at home mom.
I totally remember tossing all of my old notebooks. I think I just skimmed through to see if there was anything I wanted to keep first and then just threw them in the dumpster. This was when we lived in a tiny seminary apt and had no room for things like Western Civ or Sociology notebooks. I remember laughing at the "notes" I took in the margins(to my friends). I'm pretty sure I kept my Book File(worked too long on that) and I know I still have my Art Ed stuff, too.
I had to look up Weebles... we don't have any of those. They do look like fun.
I haven't come across my book file yet. Oh I might just chunk that one full on.
Don't worry Kelley. I haven't had the heart to throw away my history notebooks, and Lord knows that I will not be need the notes from Colonial Latin America any time soon. It just hurts to throw away all of the hard work!
oh and jill- yours have more hard work than anyone else's. All those handwritten notes!!!
I say that all the time. I don't feel sad about my time in Happy Valley because I made a heart friend there. One of the few heart friends I really have! God works in funny ways - he took us to a place that was anywhere but "happy" and gave us great kids and each other!
Oh, and I'm proud my grandma's dolls made the blog in the picture at the top. She is toooo cute! :)
I have a feeling I will be doing what you did in a year or maybe two. Weird how things change.
not an easy struggle, but I think the key is to make a decision and just embrace it. I can't seem to do that, so I admire you. this week starts my first week of part-time employment, down to 25 hours of work. the jury's still out, but I am glad for my guilt-free mornings with nathan!
we got the weebles for free at our neighbors yard sale. it's a tree house and let me tell you it's the best toy we've ever had. he loves that thing and plays with it for more than 5 seconds so mommy is happy.
Post a Comment